Monday, November 30, 2009

OMGFML!!!

For the past two weeks I have had a rash of red bumps on my love handle...no it's not carpet burn for anyone that has jokes! It first it looked like in grown hairs, there were only a couple of spots, but now there are colonies of bumps. Two weeks now I have had these bumps, just thinking that i got into something it will go away. Here is where the OMGFML comes into play.

So last night we decided that I need to put something on it to see if that will help clear it. Mind you, it wasn't really itching last night nor has it itched the entire two weeks I have been growing this disease! So I put caladryl on it...and it goes to itching. Today I itch from head to toe. So whatever is living in my love handles is PISSED! So I decide that I need to look this up and see if I can figure out what I have. Dr. Maisen here jumped on Webmd...now we all know that Webmd was created by the DEVIL!!! At the end of my Doogie Howser wannabe, I figured out I had cancer, aids, malaria, and either shingles or bed bug bites. So now I really have a lot to talk to the doctor about tomorrow when I see him!!! Not only did I not figure out WTH I actually have, I now have 5 more things that Webmd has told me I have!!

So tomorrow I will let everyone if I have bugs or a virus. So just to be on the safe side, if you have been around me in the last two weeks and have not had chickenpox...WATCH OUT FOR BUMPS!!!!

Attack of the food baby

I should have written this a few days ago, but I was in a coma. Not really sure how many of you have experience but it usually happens twice a year. Ok for normal people it happens twice a year. It's when you eat so damn much that you put yourself in a food in induced coma. Then when you're able to become Mobile again, you realize you are with food baby. Thursday mine was very gassie! The baby would move, or want MORE sweets, or the other half of the ham, all the same. So after I fed my baby, more greens, a little more ham, alot more frozen fruit salad, and just a tiny bit more 7 layer dip, he was finally tired of eating. Thank God I remembered elastic pants thursday...holy cow.

There was so much food it was like we were feeding the homeless in Houston. The food wrapped around the counter, like normal, but continued all the way to the stove. It was insane...damn I'm getting hungry again. There were like seven different pies, so much dressing, which wouldn't be to bad right now. A Cajun Turkey, was pretty good, and a sweet ass ham...mmmmm.

I think what impressed me the most was that my family kept it together for the entire day of thanksgiving...after midnight that was something completely different! I remember sitting in the chair in the living room getting so excited that the Macy's day parade was about to start. I'm 30 and can remember every year getting so excited about the moment the parade started. The house I grew up might not be my house anymore but it will always be home. Have one of my favorite aunts in the kitchen getting stuff ready, making way to much damn noise. Knowing that other favorite aunt was coming, my uncle, hearing my mom snore because was still a sleep. Seeing granny hide her beer in a cup with a stray...classy. While all that was going on I got the warm and fuzzies. No matter where we are in life or who has left us, not matter if you're in the house you grew up in or a strangers house, as long as your family is around, any place is home.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Gobble Gobble

The big day is almost here Mr Turkey. I want to express my deepest sympathy to your family and their loss. I know it must be hard on them, but you're just WAY TO TASTY to skip. Thanksgiving is like a double edge sword. On one hand it's great. It's the one day you can eat your ass off and not feel bad, at least until the next day when you still can't move. But on the other hand it sucks because the holidays are half way over. Yeah if you really sit down and look at things, once you're past Thanksgiving you're on the downward slope to end of the holidays. Which means another 9 months of suckage. Where you find stupid things to have parties for...like adult slip and slide parties. Fun in theory but painful the next day.

I do have ONE HUGE COMPLAINT! STOP PUSHING CHRISTMAS SO FAR INTO NOVEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
C'mon people, decoration for Christmas two - three weeks before Thanksgiving is a little much. Having Christmas music playing weeks before Thanksgiving is going to completely ruin the holiday spirit. By the time Christmas really does get here, we're all going to be loading our guns to hunt Rudolph and your bitchy little rain deer friends....yeah is the game you want to play with us!?!?! We're going to have land mines placed in the fireplace in hopes that we blow Santa's fat ass right back into the sky. I blame retail for this...do you see what you're doing to us retail assholes!!!

But because it is time to be thankful... I.E THANKSGIVING. I would like to tell everyone what I'm thankful for.
I'm thankful for Brian and the love he provides to me. And also thankful that after almost 9 years he is still willing to put up with my ass. (See comment about landmines and Santa)
I'm thankful for all my friends that provide endless hours of laughter, jokes, love, and support.
I'm thankful for all my family. My life would not be what it is without all the values, morals, and plain ol' commen sense you have taught me over the years. Just wish you guys would have taught me to spell better!
I'm very thankful for my mom. I love her with all my heart. She is one of my best friends. Thank you for being my mom! You probably should have been more strict on the spelling, I do really blame you on this failure!!

So to my many 8 reads, which is actually just 6 because for someone reason Robyn and Sadie are on there twice, I hope you guys all have a wonderful Thanksgiving break. Eat until you're pants button becomes a threat to all that seat around you. Eat until you can't feel your left arm, I hear heartattcks are GREAT for weight loss!! Eat until you're ass is so huge the US post office gives each side it's own zip code!!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

when big brother knows...he knows

I'm not going to say that I'm right ALL the time...99% is more like it. I was 100% correct about this. So my sister, my pride and joy, the girl that can do no wrong, the apple of my eye kind of stuff, got her first boyfriend a while back. Now I'm freaking out because she isn't old enough to date. She should still be that goofy little redded girl that liked to play dress up and barbies. I guess I blinked and she grew up. So she is dating this little boy and she is all excited. The phone either glued to her ear while both of them listened to each other breathe, because for the life of me I can't figure out what all they could have talked about. Or her fingers speed texting 150 words per minute.

The big day comes when I get to meet this boy. My mom dropped me and my cousin off at the baseball game where this kid was playing and jayme was watching. My cousin Sam and I thought it would be funny to embarrass her and we did a good job of it. Sam was all about his sling shot that night. So the game ends and bam it's introduction time. My sister walks over with this guy, and I just smell it...it was a combo smell of tool and douch. The boy didn't even look at me when he said "sup" and half heartedly shook my hand. That was the first red flag this guy was a complete and utter waste of my sisters time. When you go to shake someone's hand, you look them in the eyes and you grip.

So to make a long story short, I find out the boy has been talking trash about my family. Ok big deal, I'm sure it's nothing we all haven't heard before. But then the kicker comes out. I'm very protective of my sister. I will kill you if you look at her wrong, but I'm also protective of my brother, even though he could take care of himself. As the big brother, I feel that it's my job. I kind of feel sad for Jayme because she has two big brothers. I have watched both these two group up, time has been vested in them. I would do anything for all my siblings. Oh and let me throw in my sister-in-law. She is awesome, so my umbrella of protection has been extended to her. I suddenly feel very mobster!!!! Sorry got side tracked

Anyways what really pissed me off was this douche was talking trash about something in my brother's past and who knows what he was saying about my sister. It's probably a good thing I don't know. I think my brother is polishing his brass nuckles, that fool is going to see the shine before the lights go out...haha. My only concern is that he better never lay a finger on my sister. like I told her if he ever hurts her, I'm going to be feeding his nut sack to his mother, and then I'm going to position myself as head bitch to the most powerful person in prison.

I'm way to pretty to last long in prison alone. But if protecting my family is how I get there, I'm cool with that.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Dear Homeless group that stand on the corner

Dear rotating homeless group that stands on the corner going into my neighborhood. First off, don't think I don't recognize you and your friends. Is this some kind of foolery you're trying to pull on all us sitting at the red light. Oh before I forget, tell the lady that wearing new pink and white Reebok's that that does not help you're case in begging for money!!! Yes that really happened. Back to what I was saying. Yes I have noticed that it's the same group of people switching out days on this corner. Now either this corner is a hot spot for begging or you're really running a scheme on us. I don't appreciate this. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to stop giving money.

Second, I really wish your traveling group could travel to a new corner. It really getting hard to way to act like I don't see you, and just because my window is down does NOT mean that is an invitation to walk up and beg!!!! Just because my window is down doesn't mean I have money to give you. Because of you and your friends, I can tell you everything that is on the right side of the road, but when I look to the left, it's like looking at a foreign country...MOVE TO ANOTHER CORNER. Go to the corner by the bank, that should be like the Hollywood of corners, not the corner by the car wash. Now that I think about it, I guess the corner with the car wash is the best place because everyone is going to have quarters.

But seriously, go to a different corner. It kills me to look at you all sad and dirty. I wonder what went so wrong in your life that you have to beg. Maybe I should follow you one day to see where you end up at night, to see if you're really homeless? Alot of times you make me feel bad because I have a good life, but I work hard for that life. I'm sure you can do it as well, but for some reason you have given up, why? Why must you assault my window with a pungent smell and bad breath begging for a dollar when there is a taco bell and a walmart that would probably hire you if you tried.

So you to and you're traveling carnie crew that occupy the corner on my way home...MOVE!!!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Life lesson 138

Ok life lesson 138 has to do with eating. twice this has happened to me in the last two weeks. Have you ever either cooked something that was unspeakably good or had something made for you that was like licking heaven? Well both of those things have happened.

First it was one chilly night and I decided we needed Frito chili pies for dinner. I don't know if it was just the fresh corn chips or a really good batch of chili or the double layer of cheese, but everything just molded together to become the best FCP I have ever had the pleasure of eating. The first bowl went down WAY to smooth and fast. My stomach was lying to me when it growled again for food. Now that I think about it, that might have just been a bowel movement. My body was making room for what was about to happen next. So I decided that I needed another bowl, of the same size as the first one. That was mistake number one! So I'm on the couch with my second bowl and make mistake number two! I continue to eat this awesome heavenly treat even though my tummy is yelling NO MORE. Finally I have to put the bowl on the other end of the table just so I can't reach it...I threw up that night...FCP doesn't really sound so good anymore!!!

Second time was last night. Aunt Mandi made my absolute favorite dish, other than meatball con queso...oh that brings up another time...NEVER EAT 25+ MEATBALLS COVERED IN CHEESE!! You will find yourself in a food coma. So back to Aunt Mandi's Meatloaf, so I talk her into making me some over the weekend. She cooks me TWO loafs! OMG, I'm in food heaven! I'm about to tear into one of these loafs like a...I don't know but it wasn't going to be pretty. So to make a long story short...After I took out most of the first pan, I wasn't feeling to pretty, in fact i wasn't feeling anything past my waist for a couple of hours.

So life's lesson 138, unless you want to be happily miserable, learn to push the plate away after one plate!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Life lesson # 137 & 137A

I learned a very important lesson this weekend. Gambling isn't for me. I thought gambling on a few NFL games would be fun. How wrong I was. I was stressed, it was to close, my heart and wallet couldn't handle the pressure. So I have decided that after tonight's game I will stick my tail between my legs and leave the betting to others.

I really only wanted to spend 50 bucks on to games...reasonable yes, affordable sure. So when I get the confirmation text letting me know my bets were locked in at 50 a game, I really thought a brick was about to fall out of my ass. But hey I have been learning on how to place these bets, I'm gold. I know it's going to be a sure thing. I should have bet on my ass screwing it up, that would have been a sure thing. So in a matter for three hours I'm down 55 bucks.

I also learned a little side note. When you're married/together with someone money changes things. I learned that if you're up it's "our money" but now that I'm down it's "my" money. So life's lesson #137A is very important to get settled BEFORE any bets are placed. It's very important to know who's money it's going to be when the game is up...and at many point in time you where "we really don't have the money for that", just know if you're life out of the dog house depends on your team winning.

So make sure you know what the hell you're doing, or you have magical powers to change the outcome. The dog house isn't pretty, it's cold, and fart smells don't ever really go away. I hope everyone can learn from my life lessons...

Friday, November 6, 2009

Do you think it's us??

Last night Brian and I sat down to really talk about this adoption thing. I don't know if we're just to the point where we are ready for this to be over with or if there is a legitimate reason we're feeling this way. It seems that we continue to hit road blocks with CPS. Our casework is the one lady that I had to get a little short with...that was before we knew she was going to be our case worker. We requested information last Monday and I just sent a follow up email to our case worker to see what the deal was. Well last night me and brian talked about the fact that maybe we're getting the run around because we're gay...I know big shocker that we're gay. I get that not everyone agrees with it, hell there are people in my family that don't agree with it. Do they treat me and brian different no. If that's the only reason, then CPS is actually hurting themselves. Yeah I understand that it's not the "norm" to have a house with two dads, but really in today's culture should that really be an issue. Shouldn't we be looked at more as, wow there are two people that want to take children into their home and provide a safe, warm, and loving place. A place that wants the struggles of being parents and to give someone a chance. We're not looking for a pat on the back or anything like that. Just treat us fair, and I'm not sure CPS is doing that. If we could afford 20-30k to do private adoption then yeah it would be a much better option for us. I just get so frustrated sometimes because I know that Brian and I will be great dads, great parents but it's road block after road block. What really pisses me off is that these people that keep popping out babies don't even want them, but we have issues getting placed with one of those children. Where is the fairness in that? Yes I am very impatient, I always have been but damn when we meet with our case worker we were told "there has been an influx of babies in the system" and yet our case study hasn't been submitted once. I think I have gotten to the point where I'm just rambling on.

Not that it's ever really going to happen but part of me is ready to just give up. No kids, me and brian could travel more. We could lay out all night if we want, or pick up and go on a road trip. Wouldn't have to worry about another person but us. Yeah just keep the house full of dogs and we would be set. I know I'm just frustrated and everyone said this is how it was going to be. Maybe I can become a hooker and save enough money for private adoption.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

shooting up an army base...really

Ok so by the time you read this you will more than likely hear about the shooting at Fort Hood. First off, how the hell are you going to shoot up an ARMY BASE. I have to labol those people as pure dumb asses. Here is the reason why...the army base as more guns than you do...you will not make it out of there alive. As most of you know, the shooting happened in the readiness area. That's where our troops are getting ready to over seas. The first of many questions are:

What the hell are you thinking? These are men and women that have given their life to protect ours. It's people that have bigger balls than I do, to protect our freedom. Why would you shoot at them?!?! Second, it reports that it was fellow soilders. Are you that pissed that you didn't get promoted? How are you going to kill you're brothers and sisters like that. I'm not in the army but I know several people that are, and they always talk about it being a brotherhood. How are you going to shoot your brothers? I can't understand what goes through someone's head that would make them come to the final decision to shoot and kill anyone much less people in the service.

The 12 people that have already died, were fighting for YOUR right to even join the army. They were fighting for YOUR right to even carry the gun you killed them with. They were just fighting all of YOUR rights, is that how you show respect? I'm greatful everyday that someone I don't know fights for my rights. It takes a special person to do that, even if they never see a war. It makes my heart sad to know that people are that evil. IF you're that unhappy or that pissed off, kill yourself not others. I hope God puts the shoots and everyone involved in a special place in hell. I usually don't like to wish bad things upon people, but those people I do. As for the soldiers that lost their life, I pray that God has open arms when you get to Heaven and maybe a VIP section for you to hang out in. I pray for the families that have to suffer threw this kind of loss. I pray that God blesses them with peace and understand.

My hat is off to all those that serve, to all those that have laid down their lives so that I can sleep in peace at night, and to those that lost their life today.

Monday, November 2, 2009

oh Halloween, oh Halloween

Oh great Halloween, oh great Halloween,
You came in so fast and gave us a bash,
We partied hard, we partied right,
We even partied with might,
Oh great Halloween please come back soon,
Once a year isn't enough...You know what -- how about you stick to that yearly schedule. After all the jello shots and the beer I don't know if my body could handle you coming around more times.

This Halloween was a blast. All our friends got dressed up and partied hard into the wee hours of the Nov. morn. We had zombie michael jackson, Jesus was there, along with a french maid. A priest carried jello shots on a cross. We had a knight and a drunk Scottish man that were both well endowed. We even had a vampire that I some how managed to get a picture of her panties...sorry Jayme.
Chris and I decorated his and Pat's house nicely. We had dead bodies on the patio and in the living room. We even had a fog machine mounted under the patio to make the fog rise up through the wood. I'm telling you, next year is going to be hard to top but it's nice to know that we already a lot of stuff for next year. If you want to see most of the pics, they're all on facebook.
It was really cool to not know what people were coming as. Christine has a 20's hooker...I think but she was decked out to the 9's and it was awesome because I wasn't expecting that. It just really added to the surprise of the night to not know. It was a lot key kind of party but managed to get loud and crazy.
The next big adventure is the camping trip, for the group that is, so I know I will have something to blog about after that. 3 days with these people, I might be blogging from prison but at least it will be a great story. Ha
So oh Great Halloween, thank you for coming around to see us this year and providing a great night to party. Until we see you again next year...Peace!