As the end of the year keeps coming at you, it's hard not to look back on a tough year. In the same instance though, you're hopeful for a better 2010. Then for some of us 2010 scares the hell out of us. There are lot of changes that will be taking place. A ton of my friends, and hopefully us as well, will be starting our families. Some will be doing that new years resolution, that usually ends after about two months of trying. And then there are some of us that really don't have a choice, we have to change.
This year I saw some scary preludes to where my health and future might be heading. To me, I gained a lot of weight. My blood pressure has finally become a big enough issue that I have had to address that with meds. During this "work on blood pressure" period, I learn that I have high triglycerides and high cholesterol. Well ok that's usually what happens when you gain weight, and 30 pounds is pretty much a lot of weight for me. So I'm on meds now for that as well. However, I figured that I could just lose the weight and get things under control better. How wrong I was.
I pretty much need to completely change everything about me to bet this. It's either that or have a heart attack/stroke early in life and die. Well maybe not die but you get the seriousness of this. Does anyone really know how hard it is to completely change everything about you, that you have done for the past 30 years? I have been reading websites about this and I can forgot drinking, smoking, sweets, good tasting food, and anything that has sugar in it. I need to work out at least 30 minutes a day for 5-7 days. I need to take in about 1000 calories a day - no make that 100 calories a day. I can burn that all off. Honestly, at this point in the game I would rather take death over having to change everything about me. I can't believe I have to stop drinking. I wonder if my heart can take one more night of it. I do plan on drinking tonight.
So even though 2010 already looks like it's going to SUCK and be a very difficult year, maybe it won't be that hard. It's going to teach me a lot about myself. It's going to be a hard change. I know it's for the best but damn, what sucky way to start the year. Oh bring it on!!!
And there were some great things about '09. Many reconnections with old friends and loved ones. So many great memories with friends. The trips, the concerts, the late nights, and all the booze... So '09 didn't completely suck!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
shutting a ghetto bitch up
Ok now I throw my title out there not in reference to all girls, just the two behind me that need to shut the hell up and do some work. I don't care if you are taking a lunch, take it somewhere were I don't have to listen to your voice. I would just as soon as kick a kitten in the throat then listen to the two of you talk. Rules that I have come up with:
1. when you say something, DO NOT REPEAT IT FOUR MORE TIMES. It was bad enough that I had to hear you say it once. "he will find a way" coming out of your mouth three other times is just plain torture
2. when one of you are talking, the other one should really learn to not talk at the same time. This is just pure common sense and courtesy to the other one. Instead you both just start talking really loud and in ghetto ass street slang. That makes me want to set a ICU wing on fire.
3. It would probably be best if both of you just stopped breathing all together. You're nothing but a waste of space anyways. Both of you bitch and complain so much about having to do your job...what's the point...ok one two three....hold your breathe.
4. I know you have enough work to be doing where you shouldn't have time to talk...I assigned you an ass load of work. (are you still holding your breathe...good). Shut the hell up and start working. Charlie Sheen does not need your advise, your opinion, or to even know that you're thinking about him...NEITHER DO WE. yes this is what the conversation was about.
5. Keep holding your breathe
I felt the need to vent. They're just so damn annoying. of course I don't want anything bad to happen to them, but it would make my life, the ICU wing, and all kittens around the world have a better day if they weren't around me.
(disclaimer) this is only a means to vent my frustration at a few people. This blog is in no way meant to be a threat or any kind of terroristic attack on ghetto people. However if you're reading this and have a problem with MY OPINION, I'm going to group you in with the ghetto bitches! Oh and get the hell off my blog if you don't like it. (disclaimer)
1. when you say something, DO NOT REPEAT IT FOUR MORE TIMES. It was bad enough that I had to hear you say it once. "he will find a way" coming out of your mouth three other times is just plain torture
2. when one of you are talking, the other one should really learn to not talk at the same time. This is just pure common sense and courtesy to the other one. Instead you both just start talking really loud and in ghetto ass street slang. That makes me want to set a ICU wing on fire.
3. It would probably be best if both of you just stopped breathing all together. You're nothing but a waste of space anyways. Both of you bitch and complain so much about having to do your job...what's the point...ok one two three....hold your breathe.
4. I know you have enough work to be doing where you shouldn't have time to talk...I assigned you an ass load of work. (are you still holding your breathe...good). Shut the hell up and start working. Charlie Sheen does not need your advise, your opinion, or to even know that you're thinking about him...NEITHER DO WE. yes this is what the conversation was about.
5. Keep holding your breathe
I felt the need to vent. They're just so damn annoying. of course I don't want anything bad to happen to them, but it would make my life, the ICU wing, and all kittens around the world have a better day if they weren't around me.
(disclaimer) this is only a means to vent my frustration at a few people. This blog is in no way meant to be a threat or any kind of terroristic attack on ghetto people. However if you're reading this and have a problem with MY OPINION, I'm going to group you in with the ghetto bitches! Oh and get the hell off my blog if you don't like it. (disclaimer)
Thursday, December 17, 2009
What do you do when you can't do anything at all
That's the question that's on my mind right now. What do you do when something goes wrong and you don't have the power to fix it? What do you do when something is out of your control, that's not even your problem but you're stuck in the middle?
What do you do when you can't do anything at all?
Here's my answer to that. You fight like hell and stand by those that need standing by. You fight like hell and love those that need love until your heart breaks. You fight like hell while every single tear you have in your body falls off your face. You fight like hell because there is no other option.
What do you do when you can't do anything at all, you fight like hell.
What do you do when you can't do anything at all?
Here's my answer to that. You fight like hell and stand by those that need standing by. You fight like hell and love those that need love until your heart breaks. You fight like hell while every single tear you have in your body falls off your face. You fight like hell because there is no other option.
What do you do when you can't do anything at all, you fight like hell.
Monday, December 14, 2009
A Gift
During the holiday season we all become very thankful for what we have. This is what we're taught from the every early ages of childhood. After a while though, it kind of loses it's luster. Deep down we are thankful and feel very blessed, but on the outside their just words we say in a minute of conversation and we go on about our business. We say we're bless with a roof over our head but bitch about the condition of the house. We say we're blessed about having a vehicle but bitch about something that is wrong about our car. We all say we're blessed and thankful for something but then we bitch about that same thing. This weekend however, I really got to see what it's like to either not have much or not have anything at all. That really puts into prospective how blessed I am.
Yesterday, Christine, Brian, and myself volunteered with the HEB feast of sharing (I believe that's what it was called). At first I really wanted to find a way to back out of it because I just wanted to be lazy Sunday. Brian and I had gone out Saturday night and had fun, got home late so Sunday was a day for rest. I can actually say that I'm glad I didn't miss this. This event was open to all of Houston, but really centered on feeding the homeless and those that might not have enough to feed their entire family.
We get to the United way, get signed in, and get our T-shirts. Then we got loaded onto the bus and taken downtown to the George R Brown convention center. I job was guest advocates. All we had to do was walk around and greet people. tell them where things were and make sure the guest were taken care of. To speed through the story, here is what I saw when our guest were sitting down.
I got to thinking about what if I was homeless, how would I feel about seeing people better off than myself smiling at me while I walk in to get a free meal because I don't know when I will eat again. I kind of figured I would be a little put off but I was completely wrong. These people came in what pretty much all they had, be it a back pack or a bag dragging on the floor of clothes. I realized then, that I should be really be thankful that I had a closet for my clothes. That I had the means to wash my clothes every Sunday. These people walked in past me and were smiling, telling me Marry Christmas, thanking me for what I was doing. Granted I wasn't expecting a thank you, that's not why you do charity, but it was a heart felt from someone that that was all they were able to give me. It was probably the best gift I will get this Christmas.
After people were sitting down eating, I would walk up and down the isles asking if everyone had enough, if they needed extra napkins, or if they needed anything else. It's hard to put into words what I saw looking at these people's faces. If it was a family with kids, the parents had a look of relief because their kids were getting a good warm meal. It was relief that they didn't have to worry about if their kids would have enough to eat. There were several times I had to choke back a tear because it was peaceful to see a family not worry about food for one meal. To be a part of that. The look on the homeless man's face when he had eaten himself into a near food induced coma. It was the face you and I make every time we over eat because we have the money and the means to do that. I won't bitch that much about my weight anymore, it just means that I'm well feed and I don't worry about not eating. It broke my heart when one homeless man asked if he would have another plate because he was still hungry.
Yesterday I got to be a part of something that was very touching. Yesterday I got to watch the stress and worry fade away from people that have to deal with more stress and worry than I ever will. To watch a mom's face be happy because she doesn't have to worry if her kids got enough food to eat. Our world, our personal world revolves around money. If you have it then you're better off than most, but I learn, which I always knew, that there is something more important that money. The most important thing I can ever give is my time.
I'm thankful for a lot of things. I'm blessed to have a lot of things. Right now, I'm thankful and blessed that I still have time on this early to make someone's day better for just a little while.
Yesterday, Christine, Brian, and myself volunteered with the HEB feast of sharing (I believe that's what it was called). At first I really wanted to find a way to back out of it because I just wanted to be lazy Sunday. Brian and I had gone out Saturday night and had fun, got home late so Sunday was a day for rest. I can actually say that I'm glad I didn't miss this. This event was open to all of Houston, but really centered on feeding the homeless and those that might not have enough to feed their entire family.
We get to the United way, get signed in, and get our T-shirts. Then we got loaded onto the bus and taken downtown to the George R Brown convention center. I job was guest advocates. All we had to do was walk around and greet people. tell them where things were and make sure the guest were taken care of. To speed through the story, here is what I saw when our guest were sitting down.
I got to thinking about what if I was homeless, how would I feel about seeing people better off than myself smiling at me while I walk in to get a free meal because I don't know when I will eat again. I kind of figured I would be a little put off but I was completely wrong. These people came in what pretty much all they had, be it a back pack or a bag dragging on the floor of clothes. I realized then, that I should be really be thankful that I had a closet for my clothes. That I had the means to wash my clothes every Sunday. These people walked in past me and were smiling, telling me Marry Christmas, thanking me for what I was doing. Granted I wasn't expecting a thank you, that's not why you do charity, but it was a heart felt from someone that that was all they were able to give me. It was probably the best gift I will get this Christmas.
After people were sitting down eating, I would walk up and down the isles asking if everyone had enough, if they needed extra napkins, or if they needed anything else. It's hard to put into words what I saw looking at these people's faces. If it was a family with kids, the parents had a look of relief because their kids were getting a good warm meal. It was relief that they didn't have to worry about if their kids would have enough to eat. There were several times I had to choke back a tear because it was peaceful to see a family not worry about food for one meal. To be a part of that. The look on the homeless man's face when he had eaten himself into a near food induced coma. It was the face you and I make every time we over eat because we have the money and the means to do that. I won't bitch that much about my weight anymore, it just means that I'm well feed and I don't worry about not eating. It broke my heart when one homeless man asked if he would have another plate because he was still hungry.
Yesterday I got to be a part of something that was very touching. Yesterday I got to watch the stress and worry fade away from people that have to deal with more stress and worry than I ever will. To watch a mom's face be happy because she doesn't have to worry if her kids got enough food to eat. Our world, our personal world revolves around money. If you have it then you're better off than most, but I learn, which I always knew, that there is something more important that money. The most important thing I can ever give is my time.
I'm thankful for a lot of things. I'm blessed to have a lot of things. Right now, I'm thankful and blessed that I still have time on this early to make someone's day better for just a little while.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Spinning your wheels
I'm pretty sure that everyone has felt this way once or twice in their life. Where you feel like you're in a movie. You're standing in a busy plaza and you're standing still right in the middle. The camera is going in circles around you and you're in slow motion but everything around you is going super fast. I know you have. Belinda and I have had several, about once or twice a year, conversations about this and what it's supposed to mean. When you're at this point in life, is this fate turning around to waiting for you to pick which road you're going to go down? Is this fate just playing jokes on you. Or is there a higher power pulling you some where?
I believe we're all here to do something great. That greatness might just be a simple smile that is glued to your face, and you're "great" job is just to make one person a day smile. After all, it only takes one smile to turn some one's life completely around. Are you that person? Is your "great" supposed to be saving people's life. Has everything you have done in your life lead you to a career or a path where you're saving people left and right. Maybe be a writer, a teacher, the president of some company or the USA. What is your "great", what happens if you missed that greatness you were supposed to do. Deep down you know there is something in you that is great. You feel it in every bone and fiber in your body, but you know without a doubt that you're not doing what you're supposed to be. Is that impasse you're at your time to decided if you're going to follow your great path? What if you don't know what your greatness is, how do you choose what path you go down.
So instead of finding out what you're supposed to be doing with your life, you stand still. What if you just keep walking and fate gets tired of stopping you, do you lose that greatness you were supposed to be doing. Can you get to old to achieve your greatness? Why are we really here?
Lately this is what has been going through my head. I'm stuck in the middle of the plaza and I see everyone speeding off on their daily deeds. Am I unhappy with anything, God no. I'm very happy with my family, career is ok (who really loves their job all the time), my life is good. But just out of reach is my greatness.
Fate hates me...haha. I do wish there was a book that knew everything you were going to do in life and you got to sneak a peak at it at least three times in life just make sure you were on the right path. But then again, what is the right path?
I believe we're all here to do something great. That greatness might just be a simple smile that is glued to your face, and you're "great" job is just to make one person a day smile. After all, it only takes one smile to turn some one's life completely around. Are you that person? Is your "great" supposed to be saving people's life. Has everything you have done in your life lead you to a career or a path where you're saving people left and right. Maybe be a writer, a teacher, the president of some company or the USA. What is your "great", what happens if you missed that greatness you were supposed to do. Deep down you know there is something in you that is great. You feel it in every bone and fiber in your body, but you know without a doubt that you're not doing what you're supposed to be. Is that impasse you're at your time to decided if you're going to follow your great path? What if you don't know what your greatness is, how do you choose what path you go down.
So instead of finding out what you're supposed to be doing with your life, you stand still. What if you just keep walking and fate gets tired of stopping you, do you lose that greatness you were supposed to be doing. Can you get to old to achieve your greatness? Why are we really here?
Lately this is what has been going through my head. I'm stuck in the middle of the plaza and I see everyone speeding off on their daily deeds. Am I unhappy with anything, God no. I'm very happy with my family, career is ok (who really loves their job all the time), my life is good. But just out of reach is my greatness.
Fate hates me...haha. I do wish there was a book that knew everything you were going to do in life and you got to sneak a peak at it at least three times in life just make sure you were on the right path. But then again, what is the right path?
Thursday, December 3, 2009
How to act while peeing next to another guy!
Dear stale neighbor,
I don't care where we are or how well I know you, when my junk is in my hand peeing please do not think it is ok to carry on a conversation with me about ANYTHING. I don't care if you're family burned in a house fire or if you just won the lotto, I don't want to hear about it at that time. You can keep your mouth shut for a minute, channel the enter guy in you. There is a big reason why we don't ask all of our guy friends to go to the bathroom with us!! I don't help, and we're not going to solve any of the world's issues in that short amount of time.
Another thing I feel the need to educate you on is this, if there are three stales open, if I take the far right one, YOU NEED TO TAKE THE FAR LEFT ONE. It is always customary to leave one stale open. Reason being is to cut down on pee chatting! Plus, I don't want to find out how good your aim is. There's proof on the floor that not all the liquid makes it into the toilet, so I don't want to feel it or see it on my shoes!!! Bathroom time is not male bonding time! And I be damned if you touch me while I'm still peeing, that's ground for an ass whooping like never before. Yes I had someone pat me on the back once and no I didn't whoop ass. He looked like he could take me while still peeing. Seriously guys, we as men we can NOT slack up on this. It's a slippery slop to girlsville group gathering in the bathroom. I will fight against that will every last drop of pee I have before we have group gatherings!!
I don't care where we are or how well I know you, when my junk is in my hand peeing please do not think it is ok to carry on a conversation with me about ANYTHING. I don't care if you're family burned in a house fire or if you just won the lotto, I don't want to hear about it at that time. You can keep your mouth shut for a minute, channel the enter guy in you. There is a big reason why we don't ask all of our guy friends to go to the bathroom with us!! I don't help, and we're not going to solve any of the world's issues in that short amount of time.
Another thing I feel the need to educate you on is this, if there are three stales open, if I take the far right one, YOU NEED TO TAKE THE FAR LEFT ONE. It is always customary to leave one stale open. Reason being is to cut down on pee chatting! Plus, I don't want to find out how good your aim is. There's proof on the floor that not all the liquid makes it into the toilet, so I don't want to feel it or see it on my shoes!!! Bathroom time is not male bonding time! And I be damned if you touch me while I'm still peeing, that's ground for an ass whooping like never before. Yes I had someone pat me on the back once and no I didn't whoop ass. He looked like he could take me while still peeing. Seriously guys, we as men we can NOT slack up on this. It's a slippery slop to girlsville group gathering in the bathroom. I will fight against that will every last drop of pee I have before we have group gatherings!!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Knocked down a peg or two.
Yesterday will go down as one of the worst days, at least to me. Actually it was pretty funny, but even still, yesterday was a very dark day for Matthew... This adventure started about two weeks with some funky rash on my love handle, actually it's like love tire store, but whatever. So after two weeks I decide that I should go to the doctor and get it checked out. First I wanted to see if I could figure out what it was that I had growing on my side. Webmd here I come!! That site is the DEVIL! By the time I got off that site I had canceraidsmalaria bumps and I should just make peace with my maker because I wasn't going to live past 3:43 that afternoon. So I schedule an appointment for the doctors office, but couldn't get in until Tuesday Dec 1. So I was like great if I make it to 3:45 then I will be able to make it to my appointment. I had also planned on talking to the doctor about a few other things...weight lose, stop smoking, and my high blood pressure.
Tuesday comes and it's time for my appointment. Doctor comes in, no bed side manners at all. It's all business. So she looks at my bumps and throws out several names but then says she can't tell because it's all dried up. Then gives me a general antibiotic just to cover everything, hell I could have saved the money and taken all the other crap I had and cleared it up. But the real fun part started when we started talking about my high blood pressure. Yeah both times I was checked yesterday it was around 140/105. Yeah how great is that for a 30 year old. So she is like, well you're going die. (not really but that's what I heard) She asked me about working out, and was telling me about seriously changing my diet...(again really bad news) and what all has to start happening now.
This is how it started. Working is a no no because that puts pressure on my heart. Well, I will be pissed if I die in the gym, not the way I want to go but I'm not going to stop working out. I'm way to close to Ruby size to just sit here. Next I needed to pay more attention to what I eat and be heart healthy! Then what pushed me over the edge was this, TAKE ONE A DAY and we will see how this works. In two weeks you need to come back for a complete physical to determine what exactly we need to do, but we're going to get this taken care of. Do you know what that kind of conversation does to a 30 year old person that feels way to young to be dealing with this?
I get home, read up on what the doctor gave me since she only gave me samples and didn't discuss it with me. No I don't like her, but I will see this through. I take my meds, fought back a tear because as the pill slide down my throat, so did my youth. Then dinner came, I logged all my food intake for the day, the calories and all that crap. Then I measured out my food and used a saucer plate for dinner.
It really sucked to have to do this. Hell it makes me want to crawl in a hole now and cry. However if I want to live past 40 I guess it's something I need to do. It's easy to change when you know it could literally kill you if you don't. Yes I'm probably being a little over dramatical with this, but the truth is, I'm not has healthy as I thought I was. Now I have to do something if I want to be around for a long time. Tomorrow isn't promised! So...
Good bye youth!
Tuesday comes and it's time for my appointment. Doctor comes in, no bed side manners at all. It's all business. So she looks at my bumps and throws out several names but then says she can't tell because it's all dried up. Then gives me a general antibiotic just to cover everything, hell I could have saved the money and taken all the other crap I had and cleared it up. But the real fun part started when we started talking about my high blood pressure. Yeah both times I was checked yesterday it was around 140/105. Yeah how great is that for a 30 year old. So she is like, well you're going die. (not really but that's what I heard) She asked me about working out, and was telling me about seriously changing my diet...(again really bad news) and what all has to start happening now.
This is how it started. Working is a no no because that puts pressure on my heart. Well, I will be pissed if I die in the gym, not the way I want to go but I'm not going to stop working out. I'm way to close to Ruby size to just sit here. Next I needed to pay more attention to what I eat and be heart healthy! Then what pushed me over the edge was this, TAKE ONE A DAY and we will see how this works. In two weeks you need to come back for a complete physical to determine what exactly we need to do, but we're going to get this taken care of. Do you know what that kind of conversation does to a 30 year old person that feels way to young to be dealing with this?
I get home, read up on what the doctor gave me since she only gave me samples and didn't discuss it with me. No I don't like her, but I will see this through. I take my meds, fought back a tear because as the pill slide down my throat, so did my youth. Then dinner came, I logged all my food intake for the day, the calories and all that crap. Then I measured out my food and used a saucer plate for dinner.
It really sucked to have to do this. Hell it makes me want to crawl in a hole now and cry. However if I want to live past 40 I guess it's something I need to do. It's easy to change when you know it could literally kill you if you don't. Yes I'm probably being a little over dramatical with this, but the truth is, I'm not has healthy as I thought I was. Now I have to do something if I want to be around for a long time. Tomorrow isn't promised! So...
Good bye youth!
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