How to act while peeing next to another guy!

Dear stale neighbor,

I don't care where we are or how well I know you, when my junk is in my hand peeing please do not think it is ok to carry on a conversation with me about ANYTHING. I don't care if you're family burned in a house fire or if you just won the lotto, I don't want to hear about it at that time. You can keep your mouth shut for a minute, channel the enter guy in you. There is a big reason why we don't ask all of our guy friends to go to the bathroom with us!! I don't help, and we're not going to solve any of the world's issues in that short amount of time.

Another thing I feel the need to educate you on is this, if there are three stales open, if I take the far right one, YOU NEED TO TAKE THE FAR LEFT ONE. It is always customary to leave one stale open. Reason being is to cut down on pee chatting! Plus, I don't want to find out how good your aim is. There's proof on the floor that not all the liquid makes it into the toilet, so I don't want to feel it or see it on my shoes!!! Bathroom time is not male bonding time! And I be damned if you touch me while I'm still peeing, that's ground for an ass whooping like never before. Yes I had someone pat me on the back once and no I didn't whoop ass. He looked like he could take me while still peeing. Seriously guys, we as men we can NOT slack up on this. It's a slippery slop to girlsville group gathering in the bathroom. I will fight against that will every last drop of pee I have before we have group gatherings!!