Hello Stranger

Man it's been 8 days since I have blogged. A lot has happened in those 8 days. Ok well not really but I like to think that my life is jammed packed with adventure and life. Last weekend got the change to hang with one of my bestest friends Ricky. Like old times, we went to the beer joint, got a lot of beer and then hit the pasture. What we weren't expecting was the ice cold wind that was blowing and the zombie cows that were hollering...yes I said zombie cows. While drinking me, Crystal, and Ricky had to figure out an escape route just in case the world's population turned to zombies. DON'T JUDGE ME, IT COULD HAPPEN!!! So the night went on and we were joined with another friend Dacia. We drank and froze our asses off. We pack it up and head back to the house. Ricky and Crystal leave, Crystal was sober, and back to Waco. Saturday I get up and head back to houston. At some point in the day I get a text that says Ricky is in the hospital with pneumonia and would probably be there for a couple of days. Actually I got that text sunday morning. NO updates there, he may or may not be in the hospital still. Hopefully he will be ok.

So sunday rolls around and I start feeling like ass ran over. Now if you have never felt like ass ran over than I would do my best to NEVER feel that way. So needless to say, it's now wednesday and I'm just now getting over being sick. Thank God because this time next week I will getting a plane to Hawaii. Here somes the fun in the sun and drinking some fruity little Hawaiian drink on the beach.

See my life is full of adventure...ok not really but in my head it is.

toilet see-saw

I wish I could write a letter to the design company that designed and built the bathrooms in this building. The current design, I'm assuming it's set up like this but my xray vision isn't working at the moment. So I can't really see through the wall. So the current design, again I assume, is there is one long pipe running the length of the wall that separates the wall between the guys and girl's bathrooms. Then attached to that one long pipe would be each toilet. The reason I'm saying this is because we all know coffee will "inspire" you. I was inspired and went to do some of my greatest thinking. As I'm sitting there, I am damn near catapulted through you the ceiling. I can picture it now, there hanging from the ceiling weights down are more than just my legs dangling in the air. I swear, it's like those see-saws on the playground when we were 5. You NEVER want the fat kid at the other end, cause then you're just stuck up in the air. Look people if I'm sitting down and my feet can't touch the ground...we have a huge problem. Now just think about when you go in to do your business or go in to do some thinking and that is interrupted because you're being fired off the toilet like it was a cannon, that could get kind of messy!! Then as if this was like the superman ride at Six Flags, you know the one that rockets you to the top then drops your ass like a lead brick...yeah that's what it feels like when whoever on the other side gets up. People this is a serious issue, and should not be taken lightly. There could be injuries or at the very least I could need a shower.

On a scarier note, what if the pressure is just to much for whatever is connection the toilets? Disastrous...it would bring down the entire building or the very wall that separates us. I just want you to know that if I lose my life while being "inspired", I love you all. Please clean me off before you bury me!

To a great family weekend

This past weekend rocked...well except for the 11 dogs that were all over the house. This past weekend was a family get together, that I think doubled as Easter weekend. I'm not 100% sure, might need to check on that when I can. The entire family, all made the familiar trek to Teague. As I walked in the back door, the smell of gumbo slammed into my face. I knew the night/weekend was going to be awesome. The only downer was that it rained Saturday and turned nut clinching cold. Did we let that stop us...NOOOOOO. Saturday I rolled out of bed, after staying up til 4 in the morning hanging with my family, to the smell of a HUGE breakfast. We had sausage balls, bacon, two breakfast casseroles, and scrabbled eggs if you wanted them. I like getting up early when I'm in Teague, the breakfast is always hot and I get as much of it as I want without sharing. We waited and watched the rain and the temp. drop. Finally around 37 degrees and no more rain, we were able to venture out to the pasture for some muddin' and gun shooting. It wouldn't have been that bad, but the 15-25 mile per hour wind was killer. It was seriously colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra. We ended up staying out there for a few hours before the elements won and we just had to go inside. Once cleaned up and warm can the crawfish/shimp boil. We ate until we couldn't move, then managed to eat some more. However the food babies we were caring around wouldn't allow another late night. EVERYONE passed out early Saturday night. Sunday yielded the usual light breakfast of pancakes and bacon. Everyone laid around enjoying the company for a few more minutes. Then it was back home to Houston and now it's M0nday morning. Another good family weekend. They seem to be getting better and better.

Green beer, green beer.

One of my favorite time of the year rolled around this past wednesday, that would be St. Patty's day. It's that one time of year that it's ok to be publicly drunk by noon. It's that time of year that the beer has a slight after taste from the green dye. Well this year I was challenged for drinking for three pregnant girls and myself. I KNOW!!!! Now let me tell you about these three girls, they can drink like a fish so this is a HUGE undertaking that I have before me. So we get to the bar and I have to start hitting it hard. I'm double fisting, not really but kind of feel like it. The first one goes down smooth, the second through the fifth does the same. Then I realize that it's only been like an hour and realize that if I'm going to make it to the night time, I need to start pacing myself. So how do I do that, yeah by getting another beer. Mind you all, we're standing this whole time because there wasn't a sit down table open. Normally, I'm good with standing and can handle it, but standing still is a different thing. So the day continues and so does my consumption of beer. I lost count after 8. Then are friends started showing up and then party kind of picked up. Not as much fun as Dallas, but I think that's because there is a parade involved. That and my Dallas gang can really drink. I'm not sure what the beer count is now, but I know we're talking about going to get something to eat. Freebirds...oh hell yeah, I'm up for the bird. Now I have a challenge for all of you, get drunk, get the hick ups, and try walking down the street...it was fun and painful!!!

So all in all I would give this St. Patty's day a 7. Solid, good friends, and a fun time. Plus no hangover the next day...OOOHHHH YEEEEAAAH!

AC lady struck again

Yesterday I decided to go run in the gym at lunch. As soon as I walked into the gym I realized I needed a parka. It was freezing in there. I instantly knew who had jacked the AC down that low, and sure as shit, there she was....AC LADY. She is quickly becoming my gym arch nemesis! It was becoming increasingly hard to make my way to the locker through the snow, where I hoped it would be much warmer. The near blizzard conditions were deadly. It would only take for shoe to become untied or my bag to fall off my shoulder and I would lost forever. With a frozen face I gazed at the thermostat...41 degrees. WHO IN THE HELL CRANKS THE AC THAT LOW? She must be going through the change, and I'm not talking about her losing weight...WHICH SHE HASN'T DONE!!!! IN TWO YEARS. Seriously people, she does not look like she has lost anything. A friend of mine even agreed with me. While I'm getting ready to run on the treadmill a friend walks up and I show her the temp. She says it's to cold in here, I tell her to turn it up. As if we were beating one of her kids, AC lady glared at us with such hate that I felt like I needed to go to church. She eagle eyed us looking at the thermostat.

'So AC lady, the battleground as been set'

'Yes Joggerman, You want to experience blue balls for real'

'You truely are evil. Why must you go after the family jewels?'

'bwhahahaha'

That was kind of like the conversation that went on in my head while she was mean muggin us for thinking about changing the temp. Also (almost forgot about this) it was either the rain or the AC had frozen from working real hard, but there was a pretty big leak above the thermostat. I blame AC lady. I was able to get a picture of what it was like on the frozen battlefield.

a picture of us doing P90X

I have been talking alot about P90X over the past couple of days. So I thought I would show everyone a picture of what we're doing. Please enjoy.


Hopefully you can see the image and all that I have written down. Yes that is a maisen original...all copy right laws are in effect here people.


The other night we were doing leg and back. As we all know, I can't do much of the leg workouts. Well the other night we had to do wall squats, so I'm like I can do this. Now in my mind I'm going back to the good ol' days of doing this in athletics. So I press up against the door frame (extra support) and I squat. The trick in HS is to pull your shorts down just enough so that your ass crack sticks to the mat, and your legs don't have to do all the work. So, again, I'm in that frame of mind and down go the shorts. Well I quickly learned that wood and a mat are two completely different things. Once I got all the splinters out of my ass crack I decided that it was time to just go cook dinner. To reward myself I ate a shit pot of cookies.



Oh happy day it's Friday!

Yoga X

So I had come in today and had this great blog planned out. It was all about yoga from the P90X. I don't really care for yoga and brian doesn't like me doing yoga either. Then I was reading a friend's blog, and I was talking about something and then realized...I'm 31. That has to be the most evil number of my life so far. I think all the ...1 years are bad (41,51,61). I'm 31...ugh my day is shot now!

Ok so on to my daily blog of the P90X or PX90 as I like to call it sometimes. We haven't done it in a couple of days because we have been gone and had something to do Monday night. So we jump back on board and we're going to stick with it much better now. Last night was Yoga. I don't like Yoga. It was hurting more than helping and the moves were awkward. But what I found out is that Yoga made me fart like a mule. Yes I fart alot as is, but seriously, I think all the weird stretches and warrior stances must have unearthed a large gas pocket. I was doing downward dogs with a fart. Well this became an issue, as I would rip it out of my ass...not a dainty little poof, not it was a heart ripping, you feel this from the tips of your toes to the stench in your nose fart. of course, when you, well me, blow it out your ass with that much force you have to laugh about it. So my downward dog with fart would quickly turn into laughing ten year old ball pose. I mean this happened every time we got into the downward dog pose, which was after EVER yoga pose. Then one pose was this half warrior stance, where you reach one arm behind your back and one arm goes through your legs and you connect your hands at your butt. There was no way I was going to stick my hands in the hot zone. So I'm pretty sure I can't take a Yoga class, for fear that I would trust one of those mammoth farts a little to much and end up pepper spraying the person behind. I don't think Yoga has a pose for just got shit on.

I'm not sure what tonight is, but last night we ended up only doing about 30 minutes of yoga and then did the ab ripper x. The ab ripper didn't find any gas pockets thank god, because if it had, I would have been eating my own farts...not a pretty sight.

Oh Monday Monday

Oh Monday Monday, how I hate thee. You always come around when no wants you. The only good thing is once we get past you, we're one more day closer to Saturday. Saturdays are our BFF of weekdays. We're all cool with Friday, but sometimes Friday can be shady a little. You know those Friday's you're busy as hell at work...yeah Saturdays don't do that to ya.

This weekend rocked, got to see a lot of friends I haven't seen in a while. Attended my first baby shower. WAY TO MUCH ESTROGEN! I spent the rest of the weekend burping and farting, trying to get my man card back. All in all, it wasn't bad. Then the rest of the time hung out with Be. Always a good time.

I'm kind of sad that we haven't done the P90X in three days. Also, I'm really sad that tonight is push up and pull up night. Girl push ups, here I come!! Oh and it's Ab Ripper...I am kind of excited about this. I did much better the last time on my sit ups. So I am looking forward to this.

Ok I'm about to go spend 2 weeks in training hell. I'm so so not excited about any of this!