Sadness

Sadness is something we as human experience all through out our lives. When we loose a loved one, or a pet, or God forbid we experience the lose of our children before it's their time. It's strange how even when we're on top of the world sadness can find us. Sadness is such a strong emotion, and something that is hard to processes. It only takes a thought for the plague of sadness to wash over you, it only takes a second when you're gaurd is down to be complete ambushed by this emotion. Ying and Yang is the give in take of the universe, just like happiness and sadness are the give and take of our hearts. If you're lucky you don't get to experience sadness much. People you love aren't taken from you before your ready for them to leave. You're heart isn't broken by the absence of the love you once had for someone. God this is what PMS feels like.

I don't like talking much about it because it hurts me more than I can handle. I always try and change the subject long before the tears fall. My grandmother isn't doing so great. The tumor/cancer she has had is slowly taking my grondmother away from me and my family. I thought I was ok but I cry a lot about when no one is around, the shower is a GREAT place. If you ever get caught crying in the shower blame it on the water running down your face. I have been very lucky to have had 31 years with someone great. It's hard for me to process the pain and sadness that comes with knowing that she isn't going to be here much longer. Just knowing that my Granny isn't going to tell me she loves me and that she is proud of me hurts so bad. It's not fair, I'm pissed off that she has to go out like this.

My grandmother has always been the strongest person I know. She built this amazing family that is close and loving and strong. The family gets together on weekends because we actually want to see each other. I can't go long without talking to either of my aunts, or drinking with my uncles. I surely can't go long without talking to my mom. But Granny is different, granny was the one that made things better. If you were sick, she knows how to fix you or at least what toy to get you so that you feel better. Granny knows just how to make my granny grilled cheeses. Granny knows how to wrap her arms around me, tell me she loves me and make the world a little better for just that moment in time. I'm not saying that my aunt Trudy or aunt Mandi, or even my mom can't do that, but granny does it better.

Growing up Granny used to scratch my back until I would fall a sleep. Granny let me sleep with her until I was like 25 and wasn't scared of the dark anymore. She still snores and farts like a mule at night and I don't want to sleep with her anymore, but I know if I had a bad dream she would let me crawl in there next her and make it better. I know at some point in time we have to say good bye or until I see you in heaven but that doesn't really give me a lot of comfort. It just reminds me that I have a long time to live without you. Yeah I could look at all the years we had and smile because I got though years, but I'm selfish, I want more of those year. I want more years of Granny cooking something special for me because I'm the first one of the kids at the table on saturday morning. I want more years of Granny telling me that she got me a gallon of milk for the weekend and then kissing my forehead. I'm not ready to say good bye or see you in heaven. I'm not ready for the end.

Sadness sucks and I'm not good at dealing with it.

It's been a while

Man I have missed blogging but I don't have a lot of free time at work now days. I know I can't surf and play all day like I used to. Now I just work an ass load of over time and stay busy from the time I clock in until the time I clock out. Stupid ok paying job. I really don't have much to talk about today. No really I don't. There have been many times that I have said "remember this so you can blog it" and then I just forget it. Maybe I will try and start blogging first thing in the morning when I get up. I still get up my normal time around 6:30 in the morning, even though I don't have to be at work until 8. I get up, play around on the computer, I actually do a light workout, I KNOW YEA ME, and I guess I could add blogging. I just hope I can remember stuff that early in the morning. Ok well it's getting close to clock in time. I'm already drinking my coffee so when I hit "punchin" I can hit the ground full speed. Well if anyone is still reading my blogs, drop me a note. I love hearing from my reads, all 4 of them.

Peace love and drugs!

My mom the Alligator hunter

This is some crazy shit here. Here is my version of the phone call yesterday with my mom.

Me: Hey mom what are you doing?
Mom:(In a hushed voice) hey son, I'm alligator hunting
Me: Seriously?
Mom: Yeah Bye.

That was the first part of that conversation. Then she calls me back...here is the rest

Me: Mom, why don't you just shoot it?
Mom: We're trying to bate it on a hook and cage it.
Me: Please tell me you're not keeping it as a pet
Mom: NO we want to cage it so we can have fried alligator tail. Doesn't that sound good? I'm just not sure how we're going to cage it once we catch it.
Me: You're going to die.

Then my mom must have lost signle and that was it. Alot of stuff I wouldn't put past my mom from doing but alligator hunting is one thing I never expect to hear from ANYONE! I'm proud of her for being so adventurous, but damn pick something safer. It doesn't matter how big or small...well unless it's a baby baby...NO there is no excuse for this. A baby alligator could take off a finger, is that what you want mom, to loose a finger?

My hat is off to my brave but not so bright mother...

80th post

I really don't have much to talk about right now, but I feel like I'm losing my readers. HA who am I kidding, I don't have that many readers. I guess I could talk about how people are being dickheads to my team and manager just because we're making mistakes. Yeah I can understand that mistakes are going to be made your first week of doing the job. I mean after all that's just natural. The second week, you should be well on your way to being an expert on the subject, minimal mistakes. The Third week, holy shit if you make a mistake. There will be meetings to set up more meetings to talk about the mistakes your team has been making. By you're third week, your team should be running like a well oiled sex machine. No really this is actually happening on my team. Yesterday I made the mistake of following the rules and it turned out that I didn't need to, but because I did it was a HUGE problem.

Here's what happened -- short version. I emailed the VP of IT services to get approval on something. The information I was looking at was flagged for his approval. Only to find out later in the day that I didn't need his approval. So because of that, because I emailed him for approval I had my manager and a trainer asking me why I did that. It seems that he was pissed off that I bothered him and sent a hell storm of emails out about not following policy...when policy clearly stated I needed to go to him. Either way I was screwed, if I didn't do it and needed the approval I would have gotten my ass jumped...

Yesterday was my mistake, but it seems like my team has been emailing the wrong people for approvals. We have only been doing this for about 4 weeks now, so we're still trying to figure things out. I don't know about any of you, but when I get emails that are meant for someone, it pisses me off. I can't stand it. It's so hard, I mean, damn near impossible to either delete the email or respond back with...sorry wrong person, you need so and so. That causes me to loose about 2 minutes of my effing work day that I will NEVER GET BACK! So because of that, I'm going to rip you a new asshole so you learn from your mistake.

Wow I guess I did have more to say. Ok I promise my next post will be full of jokes and I will return to my witty remarks. Hey it's Friday...

Not paying to fix your fence

I'm cool with dumbasses being apart of this world. I come to realize that there is nothing I can do about that. I can, however, do something when they come and knock on my door...yes I had the song to 'Three's company' in my head. Anyways, back to the story. Our property line is split between two people and there is a fence that divides that. Well two years ago hurricane Ike decided he didn't like the fence and trashed sections of the fence, not the whole fence. The fence wasn't our responsibility to fix to start with, it was both our neighbor's fence. So last night, and this is the second time he has come to the door, one of the neighbors came over to talk about fixing the fence. He has an estimate and it's 1900 bucks to fix most of his backyard fence with cider planks. So he has the balls to say that me, him, and his neighbor should split 1900 bucks in three ways to get our fences fix. I hope he understand the "you have got to be effing stupid" look I gave him. I told that I wasn't paying for him to get his backyard re-fenced and that I would split the close for the section that me and him share and then I will split the cost of the section me and the lady share, but there is no way in hell I'm going to donate money to get part of the fence fixed that you and your neighbor share. Boy you better be glad I didn't warm the back of my hand up and slap you like a pimp does a dirty whore. But let me tell you, as soon as I did say that he was like 'well I probably should talk to Brian'. Now that really bothers me, and was I told him cool but you're still going to have to deal with me on it and this is how it's going to work. So I sent him on his marry little way with something to think about!

I really hope that he understands that I'm not going to pay to have most of his fence fixed.